Drunk Mom Poops Her Pants with Kid in the Car

You've gotta hate when this happens: you're driving drunk with your kid, you pull out in front of a police car, throw your bottle of vodka into the courthouse driveway, and then you poop your pants. Her explanation: "I ate too much corn." Sounds like an average Saturday for most people. With video!



Here's the article. It happened in Elyria, Ohio, which is Greek for "New Trousers."

Here's a Crappy Craigslist Housing Ad!

Saw this gem all over the internets, it's a Craigslist ad for a normal sounding apartment in Washington, DC, which is actually kind of a good deal for that area.

But there's a catch -- along with playing kickball and drinking good beer, smiley face, you have to keep track of every time you poop by noting it on a piece of paper attached to the bathroom door! Sign me up!

The weirdest thing is, there's no explanation for why anyone would agree to do this. Did past roommates clog up the toilet a lot? Maybe this person has some medical issue, but why does that mean the roommates have to do it also? It can't be for a septic tank, this is the big city. Bizarre. I feel like if you're going to discuss bowel habits in a random housing ad, you should at least explain yourself.

The ad's still up, so you can take a look at where you might be pooping in the future.

Pandas: Poop MVPs

Yes, it's been a long, long time, but this news brought me out of poo-hibernation: Pandas poop 40 times a day! That's insane. I would suggest a visit to the panda-gastroenterologist might be in order.

And apparently you can also buy stuff made from panda poo. What a crappy gift! Ha!

Smelling 101

Hey, Purdue students, want to advance scientific knowledge? Smell this crap.

Students at what is apparently Indiana's poopiest university are making some cash and helping scientists by smelling barnyard doo-doo. But the scientists aren't sadistic, it's for an experiment on reducing farm odors.

The AP has the full scoop (pun).

Ugandans Arrested for Not Having Toilets

Not only is pooping in a non-toilet gross, it's illegal. In Uganda, at least. Government official and cool-name-haver Norbert Turyahikayo said the move was to fight cholera.

So for all those Poo News readers from Uganda (total: 0) at least dig a latrine.

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The Poop Fairy

Capitalism is great. Where there's a demand for something, it'll be filled. Such as an inflatable love sheep. But now there's a service to pick up poo for pet owners on walks, in case they're too lazy or big weenies or something. Hey, I guess they've filled a niche. With poo.

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Viva Las Poopas

The Las Vegas Review-Journal has a hilarious article about a man who cleans Sin City porta-potties for a living. He's a 300 pound Samoan, for good measure. It's full of good crap, but so much that it's hard to choose quotes. To wit:

Speaking of lunch, today it's fruit for Sapini. Sometimes it's a sandwich -- but never peanut butter.

"Anything that looks like crap, I don't eat," he says.

Good plan. And there's even a video!

Reading, Writing, and Poop Throwing

Ah, America's schools. Where's tomorrow's leaders learn today's skills. Like throwing turds.

Teachers in Boyd County, Kentucky took part in a poop throwing contest at the county fair. Hopefully their aim wasn't off or fairgoers might have gotten a special deep fried treat.

The educators were competing in a Teachers' Challenge for the kids to see them do silly stuff, like chug Pepsi. We're guessing the phys-ed teacher/coach won that one.

Sounds like a fun event though. I'd watch anybody throw cow poop - wrestlers, astronauts, ninjas, you name it.

Story at the Ashland (KY) Daily Independent

Goose Poop? Kill Em!

In Our Nation's Capitol, Canada geese are drawing complaints for pooping in the Anacostia River, making it more polluted. The solution? Kill those birds!

The National Park Service could kill around 600 of the birds, and even environmentalists support the duck hunt, as the critters are eating "vital marsh grasses" and such. Golf course owners don't like the avian poopers either because they eat the fairways.

So word to the wise - don't be an animal that poops in DC. Or eats golf course grass.

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On the phone in the bathroom

Herb Benham of the Bakersfield Californian has a column on talking on the phone in the bathroom. He seems to think it's no big deal, while I think it's pretty dumb. I may talk on the phone while at home talking with a buddy, but otherwise, no thanks.

For example, if I'm in the bathroom at work and somebody calls, I'm not answering. And if somebody is on the phone while using the urinal or the stall, I make sure to flush. I think it's funny - "Hey! Are you in the bathroom!" Especially if it's a work related conversation - "Ok, send that document to me" ((pooping noises)) "What the hell was that!"

I just think it's impolite though. I don't want to find out the hard way that poop is coming out of your butt while you're talking to me. Unless it's the president of the United States on the phone, wait til you're finished crapping.

What do you think?

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