Hungry?

The Restaurant You Don't Want To Try
Originally uploaded by santa barbarian

"I've heard of this new Chinese place, it sounds great!"

This little gem is in the Sunland area of Los Angeles.

I'm getting hungry already. I wonder how their poo poo platter is.

The Courtesy Flush

This is more of a public service than news, but it's worth noting. The "courtesy flush" is when a pooper flushes in order to minimize a foul aroma. It's an especially good thing to do at a public restroom, at work, or at somebody else's house.

Urban Dictionary defines a courtesy flush as:

A flush in the middle of the toilet-sitting process in order to reduce the aroma...usually performed on a "foreign throne" as a courtesy to the owner of said throne... in other words, to be polite and not stink up the host's crapper too much.

For example, I had the misfortune of going into the bathroom at work today while somebody was taking a very smelly poo with no courtesy flush. Not a pleasant experience.

Wikipedia mentions the courtesy flush, there's a shirt, and of course that immortal scene in "Austin Powers" where Austin is fighting with a guy in a bathroom stall, and Tom Arnold playing a Texan says something like "Damn boy, how about a courtesy flush?" There's even a product that claims to eliminate doody odors called Courtesy Flush.

So there you have it. Please spread the word and spare us your turd.

Breaking News: Rat poop bad

This shocking revelation from the Staten Island Advance newspaper. Clearly they're more advanced than those other papers in New York, like the Times, Post, etc. The two page article says basically, don't handle rat poop and disinfect stuff or you might get sick.

I wonder if this article was really written in 1850 or sometime before the dawn of hygiene and got misplaced, then an editor came across it and decided to run it. I expect to see an article soon on Abner Doubleday's new game called "base-ball" that is sweeping the nation.

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Poop in the Capitol too

It's a poopy time in our Nation's Capital, as workers have found three piles of "actual, nonmetaphorical number 2" in the people's halls (and galleries). Speculation is that it's either a kid (who must poop a lot) or perhaps somebody making a political statement. Maybe supporters of Minnesota's Poop Bill?

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Poopy diaper evacuates DC Post Office

Yesterday I heard rumors of an evacuation at the main post office in downtown DC - cops were blocking streets, people were banned from coming anywhere near, and so on. The culprit - a terror baby's poopy diaper. Apparently the offending diaper was in a box that somebody deemed suspicious because of the "foul smell," as the Post put it. Cue the "postal worker is a shitty job" jokes.

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(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Ms. Butts, the courthouse TP bandit

This one's almost too good to be true. The toilet paper at the Marshall County, Iowa courthouse was disappearing at "'unusually high rates,' even for county employees" said the Times-Republican newspaper. "In other words, something didn’t smell quite right," they continue.

Turns out there was a devious crook on the loose by the name of Suzanne Butts. Ms. Butts had some prior theft convictions (I'm not sure I want to know what for) so she may face prison time for her TP snatching. If you're going to steal TP, why not steal it from dirty gas station bathrooms, like everybody else seems to do?

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And in other news, I went to middle school with a girl named Suzanne Butz.

"Hey mom, let's go TP our teacher's house"

Now this is a heartwarming tale of the joys of motherhood. A loving mother takes seven wee babes on a family excursion - to TP their teacher's house. Apparently only one of the kids belonged to the mom, and she got a ticket for contributing to the delinquency of minors.

It makes one think though, how do seven 12 and 13-year olds convince a mom to drive them to their teacher's house to throw toilet paper all over it? And did she help? Don't get me wrong, I've TPed (or "rolled" as some call it) my share of houses, but my mom never drove us there.

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Have some really gross stuff come out of your butt

If you have Gmail, you've noticed how you sometimes get random ads that pop up. This one was "Photos - this site guarantees to removed really gross stuff from your gut." Now I like gross stuff as much as the next guy, but this link was almost too much.

It's a colon cleanser with lots of pictures of peoples' results, i.e. poo. Apparently it's some kind of a contest. But what are these people eating? It looks like they pooped out a tapeworm or their intestine. It's pretty gross, but at the same time oddly fascinating.

WARNING: Don't click if you don't want to see actual pictures of messed up looking poo. It's really gross, I'm telling you. Don't say you weren't warned.

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"Liverpool struggles to contain Kaka"

First off, I don't think there should be poo in the liver anyway, I'd see a doctor immediately. But if they mean the city (or the soccer team), then that sounds unpleasant. I'd hate to see a city full of Englishmen or an entire soccer team unable to contain their poo. I'd suggest taking some Pepto Bismol, it works wonders. Stay away from undercooked bangers and mash and don't drink the water.

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The Poop Bill

Now here's a reason to get involved in politics! In Minnesota, a bill nicknamed the Poop Bill is in the state house to allow people with Crohn's Disease, which causes sudden diarrhea, access to employee restrooms. It was brought to attention after a girl pooped herself in an Old Navy, although I would think that reaction would be more common at Abercrombie.

In any case, the bill was sponsored by a state senator from the Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party, which sounds like some of kind German political party, but is actually just the Democrats merged with a third party. Interesting.

The article