Poo News

A Real P.O.S. Car

2010-08-06T18:20:00.000-04:00

Ever have a crappy car, a real P.O.S.? Here's a literal one, from Bristol, England. The VW Bug is powered by methane (or as the BBC calls it, "mee-thane") generated from human excrement.

It's actually a pretty good idea, why not use waste (and poo) for something useful? Other than the fact that everyone's going to call your car the Shitwagon.

'Poo-powered' car seen on the streets of Bristol

Drunk Mom Poops Her Pants with Kid in the Car

2010-06-16T17:24:00.004-04:00

You've gotta hate when this happens: you're driving drunk with your kid, you pull out in front of a police car, throw your bottle of vodka into the courthouse driveway, and then you poop your pants. Her explanation: "I ate too much corn." Sounds like an average Saturday for most people. With video!

Here's the article. It happened in Elyria, Ohio, which is Greek for "New Trousers."

Here's a Crappy Craigslist Housing Ad!

2010-05-21T11:46:00.007-04:00

Saw this gem all over the internets, it's a Craigslist ad for a normal sounding apartment in Washington, DC, which is actually kind of a good deal for that area.

But there's a catch -- along with playing kickball and drinking good beer, smiley face, you have to keep track of every time you poop by noting it on a piece of paper attached to the bathroom door! Sign me up!

The weirdest thing is, there's no explanation for why anyone would agree to do this. Did past roommates clog up the toilet a lot? Maybe this person has some medical issue, but why does that mean the roommates have to do it also? It can't be for a septic tank, this is the big city. Bizarre. I feel like if you're going to discuss bowel habits in a random housing ad, you should at least explain yourself.

The ad's still up, so you can take a look at where you might be pooping in the future.

Pandas: Poop MVPs

2008-08-19T12:07:00.004-04:00

Yes, it's been a long, long time, but this news brought me out of poo-hibernation: Pandas poop 40 times a day! That's insane. I would suggest a visit to the panda-gastroenterologist might be in order.

And apparently you can also buy stuff made from panda poo. What a crappy gift! Ha!

Smelling 101

2008-01-03T16:12:00.000-05:00

Hey, Purdue students, want to advance scientific knowledge? Smell this crap.

Students at what is apparently Indiana's poopiest university are making some cash and helping scientists by smelling barnyard doo-doo. But the scientists aren't sadistic, it's for an experiment on reducing farm odors.

The AP has the full scoop (pun).

Ugandans Arrested for Not Having Toilets

2007-12-19T10:40:00.000-05:00

Not only is pooping in a non-toilet gross, it's illegal. In Uganda, at least. Government official and cool-name-haver Norbert Turyahikayo said the move was to fight cholera.

So for all those Poo News readers from Uganda (total: 0) at least dig a latrine.

Article

The Poop Fairy

2007-09-27T14:19:00.000-04:00

Capitalism is great. Where there's a demand for something, it'll be filled. Such as an inflatable love sheep. But now there's a service to pick up poo for pet owners on walks, in case they're too lazy or big weenies or something. Hey, I guess they've filled a niche. With poo.

Article

Viva Las Poopas

2007-09-10T15:51:00.001-04:00

The Las Vegas Review-Journal has a hilarious article about a man who cleans Sin City porta-potties for a living. He's a 300 pound Samoan, for good measure. It's full of good crap, but so much that it's hard to choose quotes. To wit:

Speaking of lunch, today it's fruit for Sapini. Sometimes it's a sandwich -- but never peanut butter.

"Anything that looks like crap, I don't eat," he says.

Good plan. And there's even a video!

Reading, Writing, and Poop Throwing

2007-08-15T17:07:00.000-04:00

Ah, America's schools. Where's tomorrow's leaders learn today's skills. Like throwing turds.

Teachers in Boyd County, Kentucky took part in a poop throwing contest at the county fair. Hopefully their aim wasn't off or fairgoers might have gotten a special deep fried treat.

The educators were competing in a Teachers' Challenge for the kids to see them do silly stuff, like chug Pepsi. We're guessing the phys-ed teacher/coach won that one.

Sounds like a fun event though. I'd watch anybody throw cow poop - wrestlers, astronauts, ninjas, you name it.

Story at the Ashland (KY) Daily Independent

Goose Poop? Kill Em!

2007-07-26T14:29:00.000-04:00

In Our Nation's Capitol, Canada geese are drawing complaints for pooping in the Anacostia River, making it more polluted. The solution? Kill those birds!

The National Park Service could kill around 600 of the birds, and even environmentalists support the duck hunt, as the critters are eating "vital marsh grasses" and such. Golf course owners don't like the avian poopers either because they eat the fairways.

So word to the wise - don't be an animal that poops in DC. Or eats golf course grass.

Article

On the phone in the bathroom

2007-07-24T10:33:00.000-04:00

Herb Benham of the Bakersfield Californian has a column on talking on the phone in the bathroom. He seems to think it's no big deal, while I think it's pretty dumb. I may talk on the phone while at home talking with a buddy, but otherwise, no thanks.

For example, if I'm in the bathroom at work and somebody calls, I'm not answering. And if somebody is on the phone while using the urinal or the stall, I make sure to flush. I think it's funny - "Hey! Are you in the bathroom!" Especially if it's a work related conversation - "Ok, send that document to me" ((pooping noises)) "What the hell was that!"

I just think it's impolite though. I don't want to find out the hard way that poop is coming out of your butt while you're talking to me. Unless it's the president of the United States on the phone, wait til you're finished crapping.

What do you think?

Link

The Art of Poo

2007-07-16T18:13:00.000-04:00

A poo-operative sent this to me the other day, it's Sprinkle Brigade, a website run by three guys who make art out of poo on the street. Pretty funny stuff. I kind of wish I had a bag of googley eyes to put on poo I see on the street.

Link

And their blog

And if you like fancier-schmancier poo art, check out Chris Ofili, who made a painting of the Virgin Mary (and other things) using paint and elephant dung.

Want some coffee? From a cat's butt?

2007-07-11T10:33:00.000-04:00

Coffee is a great beverage. It wakes us up, warms us up, tastes great. Especially from a cat's butt.

The most expensive and rarest coffee in the world is Indonesian Kopi Luwak, which is extracted from the turds of the civet cat. For a mere $150-$600 a pound, you too can drink the stuff some critter was unable to digest. Where do I sign up!

Supposedly the digestive process makes the taste and aroma stronger - make your own joke here. Supposedly it's heavy and rich, caramel and chocolatey. I'd try it if somebody else bought it for me.

But really, who thought of trying this? "Hey, that cat just pooped some stuff out. Let's roast and drink it!"

And there are articles galore on it. A university study (from the University of Guelph, who earlier reminded us not to eat poop), as well as USA Today, BBC, CBC, the East Coast Family.

Four places to go before you die

2007-07-10T12:37:00.000-04:00

I sure love to travel. I also like writing about poo. Finally I can combine the two, with visits to such places as Butt, Tennessee, Bumpass, Virginia, Middefart, Denmark, and Mianus, Connecticut.

Know of any other shitty places to visit? Besides Newark.

Fourth of July Poo

2007-07-05T16:51:00.000-04:00

The nation's birthday has come and gone, bringing with it the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. In a shocking upset, American college student Joey Chestnut beat six time champion Takeru Kobayashi. Chestnut ate a record 66 dogs and buns to Kobayashi's 63.

We expect he's been spending a lot of time in the bathroom today. Hopefully your 5th of July has been less about visits to the necessary.

Article on Chestnut's savory win

Hungry?

2007-06-28T13:59:00.001-04:00

The Restaurant You Don't Want To Try
Originally uploaded by santa barbarian

"I've heard of this new Chinese place, it sounds great!"

This little gem is in the Sunland area of Los Angeles.

I'm getting hungry already. I wonder how their poo poo platter is.

The Courtesy Flush

2007-06-20T14:56:00.000-04:00

This is more of a public service than news, but it's worth noting. The "courtesy flush" is when a pooper flushes in order to minimize a foul aroma. It's an especially good thing to do at a public restroom, at work, or at somebody else's house.

Urban Dictionary defines a courtesy flush as:

A flush in the middle of the toilet-sitting process in order to reduce the aroma...usually performed on a "foreign throne" as a courtesy to the owner of said throne... in other words, to be polite and not stink up the host's crapper too much.

For example, I had the misfortune of going into the bathroom at work today while somebody was taking a very smelly poo with no courtesy flush. Not a pleasant experience.

Wikipedia mentions the courtesy flush, there's a shirt, and of course that immortal scene in "Austin Powers" where Austin is fighting with a guy in a bathroom stall, and Tom Arnold playing a Texan says something like "Damn boy, how about a courtesy flush?" There's even a product that claims to eliminate doody odors called Courtesy Flush.

So there you have it. Please spread the word and spare us your turd.

Breaking News: Rat poop bad

2007-06-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

This shocking revelation from the Staten Island Advance newspaper. Clearly they're more advanced than those other papers in New York, like the Times, Post, etc. The two page article says basically, don't handle rat poop and disinfect stuff or you might get sick.

I wonder if this article was really written in 1850 or sometime before the dawn of hygiene and got misplaced, then an editor came across it and decided to run it. I expect to see an article soon on Abner Doubleday's new game called "base-ball" that is sweeping the nation.

Link

Poop in the Capitol too

2007-06-15T12:44:00.001-04:00

It's a poopy time in our Nation's Capital, as workers have found three piles of "actual, nonmetaphorical number 2" in the people's halls (and galleries). Speculation is that it's either a kid (who must poop a lot) or perhaps somebody making a political statement. Maybe supporters of Minnesota's Poop Bill?

Link

Poopy diaper evacuates DC Post Office

2007-06-15T09:53:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I heard rumors of an evacuation at the main post office in downtown DC - cops were blocking streets, people were banned from coming anywhere near, and so on. The culprit - a terror baby's poopy diaper. Apparently the offending diaper was in a box that somebody deemed suspicious because of the "foul smell," as the Post put it. Cue the "postal worker is a shitty job" jokes.

Link

(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Ms. Butts, the courthouse TP bandit

2007-06-13T15:38:00.000-04:00

This one's almost too good to be true. The toilet paper at the Marshall County, Iowa courthouse was disappearing at "'unusually high rates,' even for county employees" said the Times-Republican newspaper. "In other words, something didn’t smell quite right," they continue.

Turns out there was a devious crook on the loose by the name of Suzanne Butts. Ms. Butts had some prior theft convictions (I'm not sure I want to know what for) so she may face prison time for her TP snatching. If you're going to steal TP, why not steal it from dirty gas station bathrooms, like everybody else seems to do?

Link

And in other news, I went to middle school with a girl named Suzanne Butz.

"Hey mom, let's go TP our teacher's house"

2007-05-29T23:28:00.000-04:00

Now this is a heartwarming tale of the joys of motherhood. A loving mother takes seven wee babes on a family excursion - to TP their teacher's house. Apparently only one of the kids belonged to the mom, and she got a ticket for contributing to the delinquency of minors.

It makes one think though, how do seven 12 and 13-year olds convince a mom to drive them to their teacher's house to throw toilet paper all over it? And did she help? Don't get me wrong, I've TPed (or "rolled" as some call it) my share of houses, but my mom never drove us there.

Link

Have some really gross stuff come out of your butt

2007-05-29T11:57:00.000-04:00

If you have Gmail, you've noticed how you sometimes get random ads that pop up. This one was "Photos - this site guarantees to removed really gross stuff from your gut." Now I like gross stuff as much as the next guy, but this link was almost too much.

It's a colon cleanser with lots of pictures of peoples' results, i.e. poo. Apparently it's some kind of a contest. But what are these people eating? It looks like they pooped out a tapeworm or their intestine. It's pretty gross, but at the same time oddly fascinating.

WARNING: Don't click if you don't want to see actual pictures of messed up looking poo. It's really gross, I'm telling you. Don't say you weren't warned.

Link

"Liverpool struggles to contain Kaka"

2007-05-23T20:09:00.000-04:00

First off, I don't think there should be poo in the liver anyway, I'd see a doctor immediately. But if they mean the city (or the soccer team), then that sounds unpleasant. I'd hate to see a city full of Englishmen or an entire soccer team unable to contain their poo. I'd suggest taking some Pepto Bismol, it works wonders. Stay away from undercooked bangers and mash and don't drink the water.

Link

The Poop Bill

2007-05-16T16:19:00.000-04:00

Now here's a reason to get involved in politics! In Minnesota, a bill nicknamed the Poop Bill is in the state house to allow people with Crohn's Disease, which causes sudden diarrhea, access to employee restrooms. It was brought to attention after a girl pooped herself in an Old Navy, although I would think that reaction would be more common at Abercrombie.

In any case, the bill was sponsored by a state senator from the Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party, which sounds like some of kind German political party, but is actually just the Democrats merged with a third party. Interesting.

The article

Food-safety experts share some advice: ‘Don’t eat poop’

2007-05-10T10:05:00.000-04:00

I guess I should be a safety expert. "Don't shoot yourself in the face. Don't stick your finger in the garbage disposal. Don't eat poop." The last piece of advice comes from Doug Powell of the Food Safety Network, which he founded at the University of Guelph, Canada. Those Canadian academics are clearly about 400 years behind the rest of the world when it comes to sanitation. I hope there's not a bubonic plague outbreak up there, they'll probably blame it on ill humor or the wind or something. Thanks Doug!

Link

"Poop does not lie"

2007-04-11T14:02:00.000-04:00

You got that right. The Hampton Roads, Virginia area has been inundated with nutria, rodents kind of like beavers or otters, that have been pooping all over the place. In Louisiana, people just go around shooting them. But in the state that is for Lovers, they're seeing what they can do.

Article

PS - sorry for not updating this shit in forever. Ha, get it?

"Hundreds of pale bottoms all lined up in a row."

2006-09-07T11:39:00.000-04:00

Apparently people in China don't like it when their bathroom habits are made fun of. A Taiwanese TV personality teased those in what we used to call Red China about public toilets, saying most don't have doors and that she saw "hundreds of pale bottoms all lined up in a row" at one public toilet. While that doesn't seem so offensive to me, I guess public pooping is a sensitive issue in China. Chinese bloggers are up in arms: the article says blogger Gu Siqing fumed "If you are still Chinese and you have any conscience, you must apologize!" Then again, I'm sure if they don't protest against it, the government would send them to Tibet or something. The Taiwanese star said she was hurt by the reaction, and that she her name was "smeared." Thankfully she did not explain what she was smeared by.

Man killed while pooping on subway tracks

2006-05-09T00:08:00.000-04:00

A poo-operative in Nueva York sent this to me. A man was killed near the Greenpoint Ave subway station in Brooklyn while trying to relieve himself. The always sensitive NY Post called it a "toilet train." But now you know - if you are in the subway, poop while already in the car. Not on the tracks.

NY Post article
NY Daily News

David Blaine poops in a tube

2006-05-08T13:44:00.000-04:00

Read this today, David Blaine is spending a week underwater, "relieving himself" through a tube. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't like to see a skinny magician crapping in a tube underwater. But uh, good luck man.

"Corn eater sets world record at festival"

2006-05-01T09:30:00.000-04:00

Now this is just shoddy journalism. The first thing that comes to mind is "man, I hope he has a super size toilet." That can't be fun.

Article

At Madsci.org, they talk about why we can't digest the outside of corn kernels - we don't have the enzymes. The insides we can digest just fine. The band Korn, however, is digestible by only certain people - those who like bad music.

"Make Poop" - the song

2006-04-29T19:35:00.000-04:00

Saw this on Youtube. The song "Make Poop" by Mr. Safety. A true classic.

Enjoy

Automatic toilets in Slate

2006-03-08T14:15:00.000-05:00

We are going highbrow today Poo-readers - Slate has an article about automatic toilets and their shortcomings. While most automatic toilets I have seen have a little button you can push in case your butt doesn't register, I'd see why that would be annoying if there was not button. (Thanks to Poo-operative "Donkey Kong" for the article).

I also like the writer's defense of floor-pedal toilets:

Put me in the camp that says there are some things you just can't put a price on. The ability to flush my own turds happens to be one of them.

I also wrote something about automatic toilets in a previous life.

"Behold the power of poop"

2006-02-27T15:14:00.000-05:00

Looks like San Francisco is going to mine their dog parks for doggie doo doo to use for fuel. Seems kind of gross, using dog poo to power your house or whatever. But maybe like dogs' mouths being cleaner than peoples', dog poop might be cleaner than human poop.

CNN article

Be a Toilet Flusher, get paid

2005-12-21T17:20:00.000-05:00

The Louisiana Cajun Dome needs experienced toilet flushers to make sure the dome's pipes work. After being a home for refugees, workers found bricks, shirts, and diapers in the pipes, and want to make sure everything functions before they host an event. I guess you could take a dump while you work too, might as well see if the pipes work under real world conditions. The other flushers might get angry at your booty smell though.

No word on what selection of toilet paper will be used.

CNN Article

"Big Piece Of Poop" Withdraws From Mayoral Race

2005-10-21T09:13:00.000-04:00

One of my poo-operatives forwarded this to me: a British Columbia activist who calls himself "Mr. Floatie" and dresses up like a big piece of poo to highlight sewage dumping has withdrawn from the mayor's race in Victoria, BC.

James Skwarok, the man inside the costume, said the city apparently took issue with his candidacy because only real people can run for municipal office. "Of course I'm not a real person," Skwarok said earlier this week. "I'm a big piece of poop."

It's a blow for poo-related candidates everywhere. But keep on pushing, James, it'll come out in the end.

"Condi, I have to poop"

2005-09-15T10:37:00.000-04:00

The president has to make a doodie. Or maybe a wee-wee.

From the BBC

This really burns my bottom!

2005-06-03T13:44:00.000-04:00

If a man can't poo and smoke in peace, what is he? Honestly though, do many smokers smoke on the toilet? I guess it conceals certain odors.

Man sues for $10M in West Virginia toilet explosion

"We just hope they're not laying sea dumps."

2005-05-30T02:31:00.000-04:00

Ah, New Jersey. Watch out for floaters when at the Jersey shore: public restrooms are few and far between.

Spotty potties at NJ beach towns

Makes me think of that scene in "Caddyshack" with the Baby Ruth in the pool. Except no delicious nougat filling. Depending on what you ate, I suppose.

Welcome

2005-05-27T11:56:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the first post of Poo News! This blog will have poo poo and doody related news articles and commentary. Nothing sexual, or at least not sexual and related to poo, just interesting stuff. For example:

Suspect atop crane for third straight day

How does he poop? Is he holding it in? Does he poo off the crane? Or in his pants? That's one smelly fugitive.

Yahoo has photos of him. Not pooping, thankfully. But no other news articles mention anything about bodily functions. Honestly, the public wants to know!